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He ordered her to him and had her kneel in place before him. He talked to her in a very calm and confident manner. He articulated the reasons for this punishment in a very clear and precise manner. He explained exactly what his expectations were of her and that the punishment would cease only when he decided that the goal had been attained. Any resistance on her part would be met by an increased intensity. That this reaction would not be out of anger but rather out of necessity. She will accept this punishment without any doubts or qualifications and by doing so fully accept her submission to his authority. He took her hand and slowly placed her over his knees in the time honored position. On many levels she was a mature, confident and capable woman. One who had earned the respect of friends and associates alike by her accomplishments and grace. Yet, an integral part of her was a little girl, one who sought out and needed both the nurturing and structure issued by someone who she. Thirty two months. All right. I knew these months were gone, and that I hadn't been around to experience anything that had happened during them.Seeing Derek, I experienced that information on an entirely different level. I saw, for the first time, what my disappearance had cost me. Thirty two months lost forever to me from the lives of all my children and my wives, from my parents and all my friends. They were gone, and I'd never get them back again. This is what I'd lost, and it became my motivating force to ensure that I'd never suffer such a loss again.What can I say about that first visit? It was glorious, and it was maddening. I drank all of them in, and I wilted from the looks of uncertainty and the tentative untrusting conversations I had with each of them. Even Joyce seemed withdrawn and distant from me. I'd been warned by the doctor that there would be residual resentment and mistrust. I knew some of the problems that had occurred because of my other identity's previous.
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